BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHER PEOPLE’S NATURE AND TEMPERAMENT

Hazrat Abu Zar Ghaffari (May Allah Ta’alah be pleased with him) has narrated that the Holy Prophet ﷺ said;
“Treat people according to their nature, temperament and character.”
This is also a part of Deen (religion) that a person is considerate of the nature and temperament of the people he comes across, and does not do anything which is against their nature and which would hurt them. That act in itself may be permissible and not a sin, but if the person feels that it would be against the temperament of the other person and would hurt them, then he should not do it so as to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. This is a very important part of Ma’ashrat (ways of living with people) which is a very important facet of Deen.

BEING CONSIDERATE OF HAZRAT USMAN’S (RAA) TEMPERAMENT

It is narrated in Hadith that once the Holy Prophet ﷺ was sitting in his home. He was wearing a lower body cloth. In some narrations it is said that it was raised up to his knees, in which case it may be the time when knees were not included in a man’s satar (the body parts which are compulsory for a man to cover according to Shariah). In some narrations it is said that his lower body cloth was raised but his knees were covered. At that time someone knocked at the door. Upon asking it appeared that it was Hazrat Siddiq Akbar (may Allah be pleased with him). The Holy Prophet ﷺ gave him permission to come in. He kept sitting the way he was sitting and his feet remained uncovered. A little while later someone else knocked at the door. This time it was Hazrat Farooq Azam (may Allah be pleased with him). The Holy Prophet ﷺ gave him permission to come in too and kept sitting the way he was sitting.
After a short while there was another knock at the door. This time it was Hazrat Usman Ghani (may Allah be pleased with him). The Holy Prophet ﷺ immediately lowered his lower body cloth and covered his feet fully. He then asked to bring Hazrat Usman RAA in.

THE PERSON WHO ANGELS SHY FROM
A companion was watching all this. He asked, “O Prophet of Allah ﷺ. When Hazrat Siddiq Akbar (may Allah be pleased with him) came, you kept sitting as you were. When Hazrat Farooq Azam (may Allah be pleased with him) came, you still kept sitting as you were. But when Hazrat Usman Ghani (may Allah be pleased with him) came then you covered yourself completely. What was the reason behind it?” In reply, the Holy Prophet ﷺ said, “Why should I not show modesty in front of the person who angels are shy of?”

PERFECT IN HAYA (MODESTY) AND IMAN (FAITH)
Modesty was Hazrat Usman’s (may Allah be pleased with him) special characteristic. Allah Ta’alah had blessed him with a very high degree of modesty, and he was known as being perfect in Haya (modesty) and Iman (faith). The Holy Prophet ﷺ understood the temperaments of all hi Companions (Sahaba) very well. He knew that Hazrat Usman Ghani RAA was very modest in his temperament. Even though it was permissible to keep his legs under the knees uncovered, and that is why he kept them uncovered when Hazrat Abu Bakr and Hazrat Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) came. However, when Hazrat Usman RAA came he thought that because Hazrat Usman RAA is very modest in his temperament, it may be a burden on him if the Holy Prophet ﷺ kept sitting the way he was sitting, and that is why the covered his feet and legs before Hazrat Usman RAA came inside.

The Sahaba (Companions) were always willing to sacrifice their lives on the Holy Prophet ﷺ. And yet he was so considerate about their temperaments. If the Holy Prophet ﷺ had kept sitting the way he was when Hazrat Usman Ghani (may Allah be pleased with him) arrived, it would never have occurred to him to complain. But through these acts the Holy Prophet ﷺ has taught us that we should dealing with our acquaintances we should be mindful of their temperament and nature.

BEING CONSIDERATE OF THE FEELINGS OF THE MOTHERS OF MOMINEEN
It has been narrated that once when the Holy Prophet ﷺ intended to do Aitakaf (restricting oneself for prayers) Hazrat Aisha Siddiqa (may Allah be pleased with her) said, “O Prophet of Allah! I also want to sit in Aitakaf with you.” Generally, it is preferable for women to do Aitakaf at home. However, Hazrat Aisha’s (RAA) situation was different in that her home’s door opened in Masjid Nabvi. If a space was created for her to do Aitakaf right next to her home door, and the place for the Holy Prophet ﷺ to do Aitakaf was made right next to her, then her privacy would still have been protected, and she could easily go to her home when she needed to. That is why when she sought the Holy Prophet’s permission to do Aitakaf with him, he allowed her to do so.

When 20th of Ramadan al-Mubarak came, the Holy Prophet ﷺ was out of Madinah. When he returned and reached Masjid Nabvi, he saw a number of tents in the Masjid. When he asked people who these tents belonged to, he was told that these tents belonged to the mothers of Momineen (wives of the Holy Prophet ﷺ). When Hazrat Aisha RAA got the permission to do Aitakaf in Masjid Nabvi, the other wives of the Holy Prophet ﷺ also wished to get the blessing of doing Aitakaf in Masjid Nabvi, so they had erected their own tents in the Masjid.

The Holy Prophet ﷺ realized that while Hazrat Aisha’s home was adjacent to Masjid Nabvi, his other wives’ homes were a bit further away. If they traveled repeatedly between their homes and Masjid Nabvi during the Aitakaf, there would be a risk of their Purdah being breached. Therefore, looking at these tents he said;

“Do these ladies want to do something virtuous?”

What he meant was that it was not virtuous for women to do Aitakaf in Masjid in that manner.

THE HOLY PROPHET ﷺ DID NOT DO AITAKAF THAT YEAR
The difficulty was that the Holy Prophet ﷺ had already given permission to Hazrat Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) to do Aitakaf in Masjid Nabvi. Even though her situation was different from the other mothers of Momineen (believers) that her home was adjacent to masjid Nabvi, the Holy Prophet ﷺ was mindful that if her permitted Hazrat Aisha RAA to keep her tent in Masjid Nabvi and forbade his other wives from doing so, their feelings would be hurt. Therefore, when he asked the other mothers of Momineen to remove their tents from Masjid Nabvi he asked Hazrat Aisha RAA to do the same. He then thought that as Hazrat Aisha had previously clearly been given permission to put her tent in Masjid Nabvi, her feelings would be hurt if he told her to remove her tent now. Therefore, he announced that that year he would not do Aitakaf and didn’t do it.

ATONEMENT FOR MISSING THE AITAKAF
So, being considerate of other mothers of Momineen’s (believers) feelings the Holy Prophet ﷺ got Hazrat Aisha’s (may Allah be pleased with her) tent removed, and then gave up his lifelong practice of doing Aitakaf in last ten days of Ramadan, for that year, so that he would not hurt Hazrat Aisha’s (may Allah Ta’alah be pleased with her) feelings. In his entire life this was the only year the Holy Prophet ﷺ did not do Aitakaf in Ramadan. Later on, he atoned for it by doing Aitakaf for 20 days in next year’s Ramadan.

THIS IS ALSO A SUNNAH
This shows us how considerate the Holy Prophet ﷺ was of the feelings of people around him that even while implementing a commandment of the Shariah he adopted a way which would minimize the risk of hurting anyone’s feelings. He acted upon the command of Shariah but at the same time did not cause distress to anyone. At the same time, he taught us through his own Sunnah that if an act is neither Fard (compulsory) nor Wajib (necessary), though is Mustahabb (desirable), if a person delays or lets go of that Mustahabb to avoid someone’s feelings this practice is also a Sunnah of the Holy Prophet ﷺ.

DR ABDUL HAI’S (MAY ALLAH TA’ALAH BLESS HIM) PRACTICE
It was Dr Abdul Hai’s (RE) regular routine in every Ramadan that he would go to the mosque for Asr prayers and then would stay in the mosque till Maghrib with the intention of Aitakaf. He kept reciting the Holy Quran, kept doing Zikr (remembering Allah Ta’alah) and Tasbeehat (reciting Allah’s name). In the remaining time he prayed for a long time, and kept praying till Maghrib. Hazrat also recommended to those people who came to him for their Tazkiah (internal purification) to do the same, as this way a person gets the thawab (merits) of doing Aitakaf, as well as doing prayers, and prayers at that time are very likely to be accepted by Allah Ta’alah.

SPEND TIME AT HOME RATHER THAN AT MOSQUE
Once one of Hazrat’s (Dr Abdul Hai RE) spiritual pupils asked him, “Hazrat! Following your practice, I had also made it my routine that during Ramadan I would spend time between Asr and Maghrib prayers in the mosque, and remain busy in reciting the Holy Quran, doing Zikr (Allah Ta’alah’s remembrance) and praying to Allah Ta’alah. One day my wife said to me, “you stay out of home whole day anyway. We only had some time after Asr which we could spend together, talk to each other, and then have the enjoyment of having Iftar together. Now, for the last few days, you go to the mosque for Asr prayers and stay there till Maghrib. Now we don’t have any time to spend together and talk to each other.” He further said, “Now I have become conflicted whether I should continue with my routine of staying in mosque from Asr to Maghrib, or should I discontinue my routine as my wife wants and spend that time at home with her.”

As soon as Hazrat heard this he replied, “You wife is right. So, as per her wishes, you should spend that time at home rather than the mosque, do whatever Zikr and recitation you can do at home while giving her company, and then do Iftar together.”

GIVING PRIORITY TO WAJIB (NECESSARY) OVER MUSTAHABB (DESIRABLE)
Then Dr Abdul Hai (may Allah Ta’alah bless him) said further, “The routine I established is at most a Mustahabb (desirable) act. On the other hand, what his wife said is within her rights that her husband fulfils her needs and wishes within the boundaries set by Shariah, and sometimes this fulfilling of needs can be Wajib (necessary). Therefore, if you let go of your routine to fulfil her needs and make her happy, Insha’Allah (God willing) Allah Ta’alah will not deprive you of the blessings of that routine. Because you have let go of your routine so that you do not hurt her feelings and are considerate of her wishes, therefore, Insha’Allah Allah Ta’alah will bless you with the same rewards that He would have granted you if you had kept carrying out that routine.

LOOKING AFTER A SICK PERSON RATHER THAN PERFORMING NAFL PRAYERS
Once Dr Abdul Hai (may Allah Ta’alah be pleased with him) said, “A person had set a time to pray privately. In that time, he used to pray to Allah, do Zikr (Allah’s remembrance) and Tasbeehat (reciting Allah’s name), and pray Nafl (optional) prayers. Suddenly someone fell ill in his home, for example, one of his parents became sick, or his wife or his child became ill. Now this person has become busy with looking after that sick person and fulfilling their needs. As a result, he is unable to do as much Zikr, prayers or other Ibadah (acts of worship) as he used to. Now he is feeling sad that he is unable to perform all those prayers.”

Hazrat further said, “this is not something a person should feel sad about, because at that time looking after that sick family member is an Ibadah for him, and is a much more preferable Ibadah than performing Nafl (optional) prayers.

THE DEMAND OF THE TIME
Hazrat further said that Deen (religion) is the name of carrying out what Shariah demands of us at any given time. We must be mindful of what our Deen’s expectation is from us at this time. If a family member is sick, then the Deen demands that we give up the Zikr (Allah’s remembrance) and look after the sick person’s needs. And when doing that, do not feel regret that you are not doing Zikr. Because you are not doing Zikr to fulfill another, more important, demand placed on you by Shariah, therefore, Insha’Allah (God willing) Allah Ta’ala will not deprive you of the benefits of that Zikr.

THE BLESSINGS OF RAMADAN IN OTHER MONTHS
Similarly, once Hazrat said, “Suppose a person becomes unwell or has to travel in Ramadan, and because of that sickness or travel he cannot complete his fasts in Ramadan. Now the ruling of Shariah is that he should do Qada (fasting in lieu) and fast for an equivalent number of days in another month. If he had not been able to fast in Ramadan for a genuine reason, when he now fasts in another month, for him that day when he fasts would be like a day of Ramadan and he will get all the blessings that he would have received in Ramadan. When Allah Ta’ala has granted leave that a person who is sick or has to travel in Ramadan can fast in another month, would He deprive that person of the blessings of Ramadan? It is beyond Allah Ta’ala’s mercy and kindness towards His subjects to deprive someone of the blessings of Ramadan when they had a valid excuse.

So, if a person is unable to do as much Ibadah (acts of worship) as he usually does because of a valid reason, then Insha’Allah (God willing) he will get all the same Barakah (blessings) as he would have by performing his usual Ibadah. Deen (religion) is the name of following what Shariah demands of us at any given time. This is not Deen that if someone is sick or is dying, and we neglect them saying that it is our time to perform our religious rituals. Deen is not the name of indulging our own interests, it is the name of doing what Allah Ta’ala wants us to do at that time.

DO NOT INISIST UNDULY
While dealing with people we must always be mindful of their temperament and take care that our behaviour does not become a burden upon them. This is a huge part of Ma’ashrat (ways of living with people) which is a very important part of Deen (religion) but most of us have neglected it these days. For example, a person feels greatly burdened while doing something specific. If we insist a lot, they may agree to do it against their will. (What many Muslims are not mindful of these days is that it is not allowed in Shariah to force people to perform even acts of worship [Ibadah] which may be Mustahabb [desirable] but are not Fard or Wajib [necessary], like, for example, giving voluntary charity: translator). However, if they feel distressed and hurt as a result of the pressure we put on them, we would be causing that distress and hurt and may be committing a sin. May Allah Ta’ala protect us. Ameen

MAKING A RECOMMENDATION (سفارش)
For example, recently it has become very common that if people know someone, they try to use their recommendation for their own benefit. And they always quote this verse of Quran Karim;

“Whoever makes a good recommendation, there shall be for him a share from it…” (4:85)

It is true that making a good recommendation to help someone carries great merit but there are some conditions attached to it.

However, people forget that recommendation is a source of blessing only when it is done in a manner which does not place a burden on the person the recommendation is being made to. Sometimes we make a recommendation being considerate of the feelings of and our friendship with the person who asked us to make that recommendation, but place a great burden on the person we make that recommendation to. That person might think that “so-and-so has made this recommendation to me, if I act upon it, it places great burden on me as I have to break my own rules, and if I don’t act on it, so-and-so will get angry and upset with me.” This is not a recommendation, this is putting pressure. Therefore, whenever we make a recommendation, we should be mindful of the nature and temperament of the person we are making it to.

It was Hazrat Thanvi’s (may Allah Ta’ala bless him) routine practice that whenever he wrote a letter making a recommendation for someone, he always added this statement, “If the favour being asked is not against your rules and other considerations, then kindly do it for this person”. Sometimes he also added these words, “If what is being asked against your other considerations and you chose not to do it, I won’t be the least bit upset.” The reason for adding these words was to give the person full freedom in making their decision without any undue pressure, and also for making sure that they won’t feel bad if they did not consider it prudent to act on the recommendation. This is the correct way of doing Sifarish (سفارش making a recommendation).

An acquaintance of mine came to me and said, “I want to ask you for a favour.” I asked, “What is it?” He said, “No, first you promise that you will do it, and only then I will tell you.” I said, “How can I promise that I will do something until I know what you are going to ask me to do?” He said, “No, first you promise that you will do it.” I said, “What if it is something I am unable to do?” He insisted, “No, it is within your means.” I tried to explain to him multiple times that I cannot promise to do something unless I have some idea what it is that I am being asked to do. He then said, “If you are refusing to do it, then it means you are going against the rights of our relationship.”

How can this be the right way of making a recommendation? This is a way of putting the other person under pressure that unless you promise to do what I am asking you to do, I am not going to tell you what it is. This seems to have become an expectation these days that if an acquaintance asks you to do something, you are bound to do it. This is totally against the etiquettes of Islamic Ma’ashrat (ways of living with people), because it leads to putting a person under undue stress and pressure, and unduly putting a person under mental strain and stress is a sin.

RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BECOME ENSLAVED TO RITUALS
These days relationships and friendships have become limited to following certain rituals only. If those rituals are being carried out, it means we are fulfilling the rights of our relationships, if they are not, then we are neglecting the duties of our relationships with people. For example, ritual dictates that we have to invite someone for a meal because they are visiting from somewhere, or some other reason. Then, regardless of their circumstances, we start insisting that they must accept our invitation and come to our place for a meal. We completely disregard how far they will have to travel for this one meal, how much discomfort it will cause them, and if they are visiting from out of town, whether they would even have the time to come to our place. We don’t even think about these things. Our only concern is that ritual dictates that we have to invite this person for dinner for this reason, how much distress it will cause them is none of our concern.

A FEAST BY HAZRAT MUFTI MUHAMMAD SHAFI RE
Hazrat Maulana Idrees Kandhalvi sahib (may Allah Ta’ala) bless him) was a close friend of my (Mufti Taqi Usmani’s DB) father Hazrat Mufti Muhammad Shafi (may Allah Ta’ala bless him) since childhood. Once he came to Karachi from Lahore and visited Darul Uloom Karachi to meet Hazrat Mufti Muhammad Shafi RE, and came at such a time that it didn’t coincide with any of the mealtimes. Hazrat Mufti Shafi RE was very happy at his visit and gave him a warm welcome.

When Maulana Idrees was leaving Hazrat Mufti Shafi RE said, “Brother Idrees. I really wished that you could have a meal with us. But the problem is that the place where you are staying is too far from here, and you have little time and are going back to Lahore after one day. If I insist now that you must have one meal with us, then it won’t be a feast, it would be a source of distress for you. You will have to come from so far for just one meal which will waste your 4-5 hours and will cause you quite a bit of difficulty. That is why I am not insisting you have a meal with us, rather I want to give you a gift. I want to give you the money that I would have spent on this feast as a gift. Please accept it.”

Hazrat Maulana Idrees sahib (may Allah bless him) took that money from Mufti Shafi (may Allah bless him) and put it on his head. He said, “it is a great blessing for me. The fact is that I also felt like having a meal with you but I had so little time that it didn’t seem possible. You made things easy for me even before I could say anything.”

Instead if Mufti Shafi RE had said to him, “No, you must eat one meal with me”, he had replied, “I don’t have time,” and Hazrat Mufti Shafi RE had insisted, “if you are my friend then you must come here to have one meal with me”, it would have meant that he would have had to sacrifice the work he had come to Karachi to do, and would have spent 4-5 hours travelling for attending just one meal. It wouldn’t have been a feast, it would have been a burden.

LOVE MEANS BRINGING COMFORT TO OTHER PEOPLE
These days this slavery to rituals is destroying our society as well as has taken us away from the etiquettes and manners our Deen (religion) has taught us. Hazrat Thanvi (may Allah Ta’ala bless him) said beautifully, “love means bringing comfort to the person you love”. If Allah Ta’ala motivates us to adopt this one teaching into our everyday lives, our lives would improve immensely. Love does not mean being selfish about satisfying our own wishes only. If we keep insisting on our wishes being fulfilled without any regard for how much distress or discomfort it may cause to the other person, we may end up hurting the people we love, rather than making them happy. What Hazrat Thanvi RE is teaching us is that claiming to love someone, and causing them distress and discomfort, are not compatible with each other. True love means that we bring comfort and joy to other people, even if it means sacrificing our own wishes and feelings.

All of this is part of following this Hadith of the Holy Prophet ﷺ;

خالقوا الناس با خلاقہم

“Deal with people according to their temperament.”

If you are going to have an interaction with a person, first consider what their temperament is like. Would, what you are going to say to them or do to them, be a burden on them, or cause them undue distress or discomfort? It is difficult to develop this aptitude without spending time in the company of wise elders who have gone through internal purification (Tazkiyah) themselves. Hazrat Thanvi RE taught this skill to people who came to his monastery (خانقاہ), how to always be mindful of other people’s temperament and feelings, how to always consider that one is not causing undue distress or hurt to anyone with one’s words or actions. He kept an eye on what his spiritual pupils were doing and instructed them on an ongoing basis how to behave in different circumstances.

This was the last Hadith of the series of etiquettes of Ma’ashrat (ways of living with people). It describes the core principle of Ma’ashrat that a person must take great care that he should not cause the least bit of hurt or distress to another human being. Before doing anything, we must reflect on whether we would cause hurt or discomfort to anyone by carrying out that action, and we should always be mindful of other people’s nature and temperament.

There was a famous poet late Jigar Murad Abadi who had received the benefit of companionship of Hazrat Thanvi (may Allah Ta’ala bless him). One of his verses is worth adopting as our everyday practice because it contains the crux of Islamic etiquettes of Ma’ashrat (ways of living with people).

اس نفع و ضرر کی دنیا میں یہ ہم نے لیا ہے درسِ جنوں
اپنا تو زیاں منظور سہی اوروں کا زیاں منظور نہیں

Loosely translated, it means that in this world of profit and loss I have learnt this lesson of madness that I would rather prefer that I come to harm but I would not want harm to come to someone else. It means that in this world not everything happens according to our wishes. But I would rather prefer that I sacrifice my wishes and comfort and bear unpleasantness, but I do not want to become the source of pain, distress, mental anguish, or physical or financial harm to another human being. This is the essence of whole of Deen (religion) and this is the gist of etiquettes of Ma’ashrat. May Allah Ta’ala grant Toufiq (motivation) to all of us to act on it. Ameen

وآخر دعوا ان الحمد ﷲ رب العالمين