FAMILIAL DISPUTES AND THEIR SOLUTION – PART 1

Hazrat Abul Darda (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with him) has narrated that the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

“Should I tell you about a status which is even more exalted than Salah (Namaz), Sawm (fasting) and Sadaqah (charity)?”

It was the way of speaking of the Holy Prophet ﷺ that when he wanted to emphasize the importance of something, he used to ask the Sahabah (his Companions) a question about it so that they would become keen to learn about it. If a person is keen to learn about something, then what is said at that time affects him a lot more deeply. And if a person has no desire to learn, then even the best advice and pearl of wisdom is meaningless and useless for him. This keenness to learn is a great treasure.

A CRAVING FOR DEEN
That is why wise elders and religious scholars have said that a human being’s success lies in developing a craving, a hunger, for knowledge of Deen (religion), as well as a craving for putting the knowledge of Deen into practice. When a person develops this craving, Allah Ta’ala showers His blessings on him. Maulana Rumi has said in his Mathnavi,

آب کم جو تشنگی آور بدست
تا بجو شد آب ازبالا و پست

Focus less on finding water and more on developing thirst. When a person develops thirst, the water starts pouring from both above and below. This craving for Deen is a great blessing. May Allah Ta’ala grant us all this craving for His Deen. Ameen

CRAVING LEADS TO ACTION
Once a person develops craving for something, then it keeps him pining for it until he obtains it. If a person is really hungry, would he be able to stay relaxed, would he be able to focus on doing some other task, or enjoy some other activity? Until his hunger is satiated, he will not be at peace. Similarly, if a person is really thirsty, he will not be able to be happy and relaxed until his thirst is quenched. May Allah Ta’ala grant us a similar craving for Deen. Ameen Once a person develops this craving for Deen, he remains restless till he has obtained it.

SAHABAH AND THEIR CRAVING FOR DEEN
The Sahabah (Companions of the Holy Prophet ﷺ) were always preoccupied with what would happen to them in the Aakhirah (Hereafter). They kept worrying that one day I would die and would have to present myself before Allah Ta’ala. After that would I be sent to Jahannam (hell) or Jannat (paradise)? As a result of this anxiety and preoccupation about Aakhirah the Sahabah (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with them) kept reviewing every moment of their life whether what they were doing would result in Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure or displeasure, and whether that action would lead them towards Jahannam or Jannat.

HAZRAT HANZALAH RAA AND PREOCCUPATION WITH AAKHIRAH
Once Hazrat Hanzalah (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with him) presented himself before the Holy Prophet ﷺ and said, “O Messenger of Allah ﷺ. Hanzalah has become a hypocrite.” The Holy Prophet ﷺ asked, “In what way have you become a hypocrite?” Hazrat Hanzalah RAA said, “When I am in your company, I am worried about Aakhirah (Hereafter). I feel as if I am seeing Jannat (paradise) and Jahannam (hell) with my own eyes. That creates a tenderness in heart and I feel motivated to obey Allah Ta’ala. But when I go home from here to my wife and children, the condition of my heart doesn’t stay the same. That is why I feel I have become a hypocrite because the state of my heart is different when I am in your company, and changes once I go home.”

The Holy Prophet ﷺ reassured him and said, “O Hanzalah. These things change from time to time. Sometimes a person’s heart is dominated by one condition, at other times it is dominated by another condition. Do not worry. Keep doing what Allah Ta’ala has told you to do. Insha’Allah you will succeed.”

This worry of Hazrat Hanzalah (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with him) about having become a hypocrite was actually driven by his preoccupation with the Aakhirah (Hereafter).

HAZRAT FAROOQ AZAM’S (RAA) WORRY ABOUT AAKHIRAH
Hazrat Farooq Azam (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with him) was the second Caliph of Islam and had such an exalted status among the Sahabah (companions of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) that the Holy Prophet ﷺ had said that if there were to be a Prophet after me, it would have been Umar. The Holy Prophet ﷺ had also said about him that, “The Satan avoids travelling on the way on which Umar has just passed, and changes his way,” and to him that “Omar. I have seen your palace in Jannah (paradise).” Even after hearing all this from the Holy Prophet ﷺ, he was so worried about what would happen to him in Aakhirah that he had asked Hazrat Huzaifah (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with him), “O Huzaifah, for God’s sake, please tell me if my name is on the list of hypocrites that the Holy Prophet ﷺ had told you about.”

DEVELOP THIRST FIRST
As Maulana Rumi said, “first develop thirst rather than search for water.” When a person develops true thirst, true craving for learning about Deen, then Allah Ta’ala blesses him with such knowledge. This is Allah Ta’ala’s Sunnah (practice) that he never turns down a person who has true love of Deen. It was the practice of Holy Prophet ﷺ that he first developed a craving for learning in Sahabah. That is why he first asked, “Should I not tell you about a status of Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure and approval which is even more exalted than that of Salah, fasting and Sadaqah?”

OBTAINING ALLAH’S PLEASEURE THROUGH SALAH
The Sahabah said, “O Prophet of Allah ﷺ. Please do tell us.” The Sahabah were always preoccupied with what actions would get them closer to Allah Ta’ala and win them Allah’s approval. They had heard the merits of Salah, fasting and Sadaqah from the Holy Prophet ﷺ.

The Sahabah had heard from the Holy Prophet ﷺ that,

“Salah is a pillar of Islam.”

In another Hadith the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

“Allah Ta’ala says that a person keeps getting closer to Me through Nawafil (supererogatory prayers). The more Nawafil he prays, the closer to Me he gets, to the point that a stage comes when I become his eyes through which he sees, I become his ear through he hears, and I become his hand through which he holds things.”

It means that the person gets so close to Allah Ta’ala as result of praying so many Nawafil that his whole person becomes and embodiment of Allah Ta’ala’s approval. Because the Sahabah had heard about such merits of Salah from the Holy Prophet ﷺ, that is why they wondered which act of worship could have a higher status than Salah.

THE MERITS OF FASTING (SAWM)
The Sahabah (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with them) had also heard about the merits of fasting that Allah Ta’ala has said that “I have fixed the thawab (reward in Hereafter) of other acts of worship”, for example, the thawab of some acts of worship is fixed as 10 times, some as 100 times, and some as 700 times, but about fasting, Allah Ta’ala has declared that, “fasting is for Me, and I am the one who will give the reward for it.” Because the Sahabah had heard this saying therefore it was in their minds that fasting is a highly meritorious act of worship.

THE REWARD FOR SADAQAH (CHARITY)
The Sahabah had heard the merits of Sadaqah that whatever a person spends in the way of Allah Ta’ala, they are guaranteed to earn thawab (reward in the Hereafter) at least 700 times of what they have spent, and this 700 times reward will not be by our standards, but will be by the standards of Jannah (Paradise). Therefore, the Sahabah thought that giving Sadaqah was a great Ibadah (act of worship).

THE MOST MERITORIUS ACT – RESOLVING DISPUTES
So, when the Holy Prophet ﷺ asked his Companions, “Should I not tell you about that act which is even more meritorious than Salah, fasting and Sadaqah?” they got intrigued and said, “O Prophet of Allah ﷺ! Do tell us about that act so that we perform it and as a result Allah Ta’ala grant us even more thawab (reward in the Hereafter) than these acts of worship.” After that the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

“That act is resolving disputes between people.”

It means that if two people have developed discord and conflict between them, then try your best to get that dispute resolved between them so that their relations become harmonious once again. This act is even more meritorious than Salah, fasting and Sadaqah.

RESOLVING CONFLICT BETWEEN PEOPLE MORE MERITORIOUS THAN NAFL IBADAH
One must remember though that the Salah and fasting referred to in this Hadith are Nafl (supererogatory) Salah and fasting. It means that if a Muslim keeps praying Nafl Salah all night, keeps fasting Nafl fasts whole day, and gives a lot of money in Nafl Sadaqah, then all of these acts of worship are highly meritorious and earn a lot of thawab for that person. However, if there is a conflict between two Muslims and because of that they have broken off their relationship, then if a Muslim spends his time in resolving that dispute and helping them develop a loving relationship again, then they will more reward and thawab for that effort than they would have by performing all the good deeds mentioned above.

INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS SHAVE OFF ONE’S DEEN
In the next sentence, the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

“Interpersonal discord, hatred and conflicts shave things off.”

In another Hadith, while elaborating upon this, the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

“I do not say that these interpersonal conflicts shave off your hair. Rather, these conflicts shave off your Deen.”

It is because when enmity and discord arise between people, these lead to numerous sins. These conflicts lead to Gheebat (backbiting), people make false allegations against each other, they try to cause harm to each other, and they make unjust claims against each other.

THE HARMS OF CONFLICTS
The harms of getting involved in such fights and conflicts are that the person gets distanced from Deen, the divine light of Deen leaves his heart and his heart gets filled with darkness. That is why the Holy Prophet ﷺ advised Muslims on many occasions to avoid getting involved in conflicts.

MISSING JAMA’AT FOR RESOLVING A DISPUTE
The Holy Prophet ﷺ led the Salah in Masjid Nabvi his entire life. Obviously, who could lead the Salah in his presence, and who could be more punctual in coming for Jama’at (congregation for Salah) than the Holy Prophet ﷺ. In his entire life there was only one occasion when the Holy Prophet ﷺ could not come to Masjid Nabvi for Salah and Hazrat Abdul Rahman Ibn Auf (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with him) led the Salah. The reason for not being able to reach Masjid Nabvi for that particular Salah was that the Holy Prophet ﷺ had been informed that a dispute had arisen between two groups of Muslims in a tribe. The Holy Prophet ﷺ had gone to that tribe to resolve their dispute and to restore peace between them. This took so long that the time of next Salah came. When the Sahabah (companions of the Holy Prophet ﷺ) saw that he was not present, then Hazrat Abdul Rehman Ibn Auf (may Allah Ta’ala be pleased with him) led the prayer.

In his entire life this was the only occasion when the Holy Prophet ﷺ could not come to Masjid Nabvi at the time of Salah in times of health. And the reason for that was that he had gone to resolve disputes and end discord between Muslims. The Noble Quran and Hadith are full of commandments that disputes and discord between Muslims should not be tolerated at any cost, and as soon any conflict arises every effort should be made to resolve it because these conflicts destroy a person’s Deen.

THE GUARANTEE OF A HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF JANNAH
In a Hadith the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

“I give the guarantee for getting that person a home in the middle of Jannah who gives up a dispute despite being in the right.”

It means that if a person knew that he was in the right, and he could have filed a claim in court or adopted some other way of getting his right, but he gave up his right to avoid escalating the dispute and starting a fight, for such a person the Holy Prophet ﷺ has promised to get him a home in the middle of paradise.

NO SUCH GUARANTEE FOR ANY OTHER IBADAH
The Holy Prophet ﷺ did not give a similar guarantee for any other act of worship which he did for a person who walks away from a dispute despite being in the right. Through this, the Holy Prophet ﷺ is teaching us to end our mutual disputes, treat each other as brothers, and end the sources of conflicts as well. Allah Ta’ala has put a Noor (divine light) in brotherhood, unity and harmony. This Noor lights up a person’s Dunya (material world) as well as Deen (religion). Conflict and discord are darkness. These lead to darkness in both this world and the Aakhirah (Hereafter), and destroys a person’s Deen.

THE KILLER AND THE KILLED BOTH IN JAHANNAM
In a Hadith the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

“If two Muslims draw swords at each other to fight and one of them kills the other, then both the killer and the one who was killed will go to Jahannam (Hell).”

The Sahabah asked, “O Prophet of Allah ﷺ. The killer will go to Jahannam because he unjustly killed another Muslim, but why would the person who was killed go to Jahannam?”

The Holy Prophet ﷺ replied,

“Because he also intended to kill.”

It means that when the fight had started, the deceased had also intended to kill the other person. It just happened that he failed at it and the other person succeeded in his intention, so he got killed and the other person became the killer. This is the reason why both of them will go to Jahannam. That is why it has been said that never get into a fight with another Muslim.

FOLLOW A SLAVE LEADER
In a Hadith, the Holy Prophet ﷺ said that even if a slave is appointed as your leader do not raise your sword against him, unless he commits open Kufr (disbelief). Because if you raise your sword against him, some people will support you, some people will support him, and in this way, Muslims will be divided into two groups and it will lead to hatred and enmity between them. The Holy Prophet ﷺ did not tolerate division between Muslims at any cost. He said,

“O subjects of Allah! Become brothers to each other.”

RESOLVING DISPUTES IS ALSO AN ACT OF WORSHIP
Today when we think of Ibadah (acts of worship) we think of Salah, of fasting, of giving Sadaqah, of doing Zikr (Allah’s remembrance), reciting Tasbeeh, and reading the Holy Quran. Alhamdulillah (than God) they are all highly meritorious acts of worship, but the Holy Prophet ﷺ has said that resolving disputes between Muslims and making peace between them is an even more meritorious act of worship.

Today our society has moved so much away from this teaching of the Holy Prophet ﷺ that discords and conflicts have become rampant between people and that is why life has become a living hell. The Holy Prophet ﷺ had said that this conflict and discord shaves off a person’s Deen. It has now shaved off our Deen and that is why we are not even conscious of its pitfalls and harms anymore.

SPREADING DISCORD AMONG PEOPLE
In our society, if someone does not pray his Salah, or drinks alcohol, or commits some other sin, then he is considered to be a sinner. However, if someone is engaged in activities which promote divisions and discord among people, and because of which Muslims end up fighting each other, then it does not occur to anyone that he is engaged in activities which have been termed a great sin by the Holy Prophet ﷺ, and no one worries about how to resolve those conflicts that have been enflamed by this person.

LYING TO RESTORE RELATIONS
In a Hadith, the Holy Prophet ﷺ said,

لیس الکذاب الذی ینمی خیراً

It means that if a person says something which is on surface inaccurate, to increase love and affection between two Muslims and to remove enmity between them, then he won’t be considered a liar. For example, a person found out that the relations between two Muslims are sour and they hate each other. He wants to end that hatred between them and wants their loving relations to be restored. If he now says something to one of them which is on surface inaccurate, for example, if he says, “you hate that person but he loves you a lot, so much so that he prays for you, I have seen him pray for you,”

And in his mind, he keeps the Niyyah (intention) that this person must make this prayer in Salah that,

ربنا اتنا فی الدنیا حسنتةً و فی الآخرة حسنتةً و قنا عذاب النار

Which means “O Rabb! Please grant us the good in this world and grant us the in the Hereafter.” In the word “us” all the Muslims are included.

PRAYING FOR EVERY MUSLIM
Also, the person can make a Niyyah (intention) that every Muslim recites Attahiyat (التحیات) during Salah which contains the wording, “السلام علینا و علیٰ عباد الّٰلہ الصالحین”. In these words, a Muslim prays for peace for all Muslims. Similarly, upon completing his Salah a person says, “السلام علیکم و رحمتہ الّٰلہ” which means “O Allah! Peace be upon them and shower your blessings upon them”. Fuqaha (Scholars of Islamic Jurisprudence) have said that when a person turn his head to the right at the end of Salah saying the above, he should make the Niyyah that he is praying for peace for all beings on his right side, and when he turns his head to the left, he should make a Niyyah that he is praying for peace for all beings on his left side.”

So, if a person says this with the intention above that the person you are angry with actually prays for you, then it will soften his heart for the person he had enmity with thinking that I wished him ill but he prays for me.

LYING TO REMOVE DISCORD
In fact, in the interpretation of this Hadith, some Fuqaha have said that on occasion if a person has to tell a clear lie to remove discord between two Muslims, even that is permitted too, if that would lead to two Muslims develop harmonious relations again. Anyways, the consequences of discord and conflicts between people is so dire that the Holy Prophet ﷺ has said that in those circumstances a person is allowed to say something which is strictly not true if it would lead to two people become friends again. Whenever you can, try to earn the great merits associated with the act of restoring peace between people. You may not be able to pray Tahajjud whole night, fast for your whole life, give all your possessions away in Sadaqah, but if you make efforts to create and restore peace between Muslims, then Allah Ta’ala will reward you with greater merits than all of these acts of worship.

Some people are exactly the opposite of this. They cannot bear two people having loving relationships. Whenever they see that some people have close relationships, they try to say or do something that would create hatred between them. There is no sin worse than this.

THE TRUE SUCCESSOR OF IBLEES (SATAN)
Iblees (Satan) has an army of smaller satans who are spread all over the world and whose job it is to misguide people from the true path. It is narrated in a Hadith that sometimes Iblees conducts his court over a sea and all his minions report their activities in that court. One satan comes and says that one person was going to perform Salah. I made him preoccupied with something as a result of which he could not go for his Salah and missed it. Iblees says well done. Then another satan comes and says that one person intended to fast. I made him change his mind and he did not fast. Iblees says well done. The third satan comes and says that a person wanted to give some money in Sadaqah. I changed his circumstances so that he refrained from giving it. Iblees says well done.

In the end a Satan comes and says, “There was a couple who were living happily with each other. I have created such great conflict between them that they have split up and now cannot even bear to look at each other’s faces.” Upon hearing this Iblees stands up from his throne and hugs him and says, “You are my true successor. You have done the kind of work that I truly want you all to do.”

PROMOTING HATRED IS A GREAT SIN
One of Satan’s greatest tricks and strategy is to promote hatred between people. Those people, who have a habit of creating conflict and discord between friends and families by complaining about one to the other, or quoting or misquoting things said by one person to the other, are committing a grave sin according to this Hadith. It is a grave sin to stop someone from Salah or fasting, but promoting hatred and conflict between people is an act which makes Iblees very happy. May Allah Ta’ala keep every Muslim safe from this. Ameen. Every Muslim should take great care not to do or saying anything that may lead to creating differences between people.

HOW TO AVOID CONFLICTS?
The question now is how to avoid conflicts and how to promote love and harmony? The Holy Prophet ﷺ has left very explicit instructions about this for his Ummah (Muslim community). Each of these instructions is meant to end conflicts and promote harmony. However, before finding out about these instructions we must understand one core principle.

A PRE-CONDITION FOR ENDING CONFLICTS
That core principle is that there is a pre-condition that needs to exist for people to end conflicts, and promote love, harmony and unity. Unless that pre-condition exists, these conflicts won’t end. Every Muslim these days proclaims that there should be unity between Muslims but still there is no sign of it being established. Why can’t that unity be established? A wise elder has diagnosed the root cause of this disunity between Muslims and has suggested a remedy for it.

HAJI IMDAD ALLAH (May Allah Ta’ala bless him)
Hazrat Haji Imdad Allah Sahib was the Sheikh (spiritual mentor) of the Sheikh (Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi) of my Sheikh (Hazrat Dr Abdul Hai) (may Allah Ta’ala bless them all). Hazrat Haji sahib RE was not a graduate of a Madrassah and was not an ‘Alim’ in the traditional sense of the word. However, when Allah Ta’ala blesses a person with knowledge and understanding, his knowledge dwarfs that of thousands of scholars. Some of the greatest ‘Ulema’ (religious scholars) of their times like Maulana Qasim Nanotvi and Maulana Rasheed Ahmad Ganguhi (may Allah Ta’ala bless them) went to Haji sahib for their Tazkiyah (spiritual purification).

TAWAZU (تواضع) (HUMILITY) AND ESAAR (ایثار) (SACRIFICE)
Hazrat Haji sahib (may Allah Ta’ala bless him) said that;

“The primary method of promoting unity amongst us is to develop two attributes. If we develop these two attributes, we will develop unity, but if even one of them is lacking we will never have unity. These two attributes are Tawazu (humility) and Esaar (sacrifice).”

Tawazu (humility) means that a person is so down to earth, so humble, that he believes he is no one. He believes that he is a subject of Allah Ta’ala, and as a subject of Allah Ta’ala he is bound to obey all of Allah Ta’ala’s commandments. He believes he has no inherent qualities in himself (and whatever good he has, has been granted to him by Allah Ta’ala). Because he has no ego, he does not automatically assume rights, and if someone violates his rights it does not bother him because he did not expect anything for himself in the first place.

THE BARRIER TO UNITY: TAKABBUR (ARROGANCE)
Hazrat Haji sahib (may Allah Ta’ala bless him) said that people do not unite because they have Takabbur (arrogance) in their hearts. This one thinks that he is superior to everyone else, the other one also thinks that he is superior to everyone else. They feel that because they have such a great status, they have certain rights and everyone should respect those rights. They imagine slights that so and so did not treat me according to my status, they have disrespected me, they have violated my rights, they did not show respect for my status. These bent feelings then lead to souring of relationships.

A person who has Takabbur in his heart starts believing that he is deserving of certain rights, for example, other people must treat him in a certain manner and with great respect. When others don’t treat him in the manner he believes he is deserving of, he feels aggrieved and starts harbouring hatred towards them. He then starts doing things to bring them harm. It is Takabbur which gives rise to all this enmity.

KEEPING ONE’S EXPECTATIONS LOW
Hazrat Thanvi (may Allah Ta’ala bless him) used to say that I will tell you a prescription for a happy and carefree life. If you follow this advice you will never feel aggrieved or hurt by other people’s behaviour. That prescription is that you start believing that there are many ills in this world and it is normal to come to harm and be distressed in this world. If a person causes me harm or distress, then it should not come as a surprise or shock to me as this is what is supposed to happen in this world anyway. However, if someone does us some good or brings us comfort, that should come as a pleasant surprise, and we should thank Allah Ta’ala for it.

DO NOT EXPECT GOOD FROM PEOPLE
So, do not expect anything good from anyone, whether they be a relative, a friend, or an acquaintance, that they would do something that will benefit you in some way, or would help you in your time of need, or would respect you. Do not harbour any sort of positive expectations from human beings. When you have no expectations from anyone, then if they do something good for you, it will bring you joy and happiness. Then thank Allah Ta’ala that He put goodness in this person’s heart towards you as a result of which he treated you well.

ONLY EXPECT FROM THE ONE
All our expectations should only be directed towards Allah Ta’ala. We should only ask Him for everything we want, and should not expect anything from any human being. The Holy Prophet ﷺ used to make this prayer;

“O Allah! Put expectation from You alone in my heart, and end all my expectations from all beings except You.”

We should also make this prayer.

THE FIRST CONDITION FOR UNITY: “TAWAZU” (HUMILITY)

When a person has Tawazu (humility), he does not believe that others owe him any special rights. He believes that he is merely a subject of Allah, he does not have any status, any standing, and he will be happy with whatever Allah Ta’ala decides for him. When a person develops this level of humility, he does not form any expectations towards people. When people do not have expectations from others, then they do not develop grudges because of those expectations not being met, and when there are no grudges, there are no conflicts. Therefore, the first condition for developing unity is that we develop humility.

THE SECOND CONDITION FOR UNITY: SELF-SACRIFICE

The second condition for unity is self-sacrifice (ایثار). It means that we have this feeling in our hearts that I should sacrifice my own comfort in order to bring comfort to other human beings. I am prepared to suffer distress, in order to prevent other people from going through distress. I am willing to suffer harm myself, but I am unwilling to cause harm to others. This is the lesson that the Holy Prophet ﷺ has taught us.

THE SELF-SACRIFICE OF SAHABAH

While describing the self-sacrifice of Sahabah (Companions of the Holy Prophet ﷺ) in the Holy Quran, Allah Ta’ala says;

“…and give preference (to them) over themselves, even though they are in poverty…” (59:9)

This verse refers to the Ansari (original residents of Medinah) Sahabah that no matter how much poverty they themselves are in, they prioritise other people’s needs over their own.

Once some travellers came to meet the Holy Prophet ﷺ who were poor. The Holy Prophet ﷺ asked the other Sahabah that some travellers had arrived who were not well off, so if some Sahabi could afford, they should take these guests home and arrange for them to have food.

Hearing this a Sahabi took one of the guests to his home. When he got home, he asked his wife if there was enough food to feed the guests too. His wife replied that there was just enough food that either they could eat it, or the guest could, but not all of them. The Sahabi said, “put the food in front of the guest and turn the lamp off.” So, his wife did. The Sahabi invited the guest to start eating. The guest started eating. The Sahabi sat with him but did not eat anything, He would just take his hand to the food and would then bring his empty hand to his mouth just so that the guest would think he was also eating. In this manner, the Sahabi, his wife and their children remained hungry the whole night and fed all the food to their guest. Allah Ta’ala liked this sacrifice of theirs so much that He mentioned it in the Holy Quran by saying;

“…and give preference (to them) over themselves, even though they are in poverty…” (59:9)

These are the people who give preference to others over themselves, even if they are poor.

THE MEANING OF SELF-SACRIFICE
Self-sacrifice means that a person tolerates some discomfort himself but makes things comfortable for another person. When Allah Ta’ala grants someone this attribute, He grants him such bliss of Iman (faith) that all other pleasures are nothing compared to it. When a person tolerates some discomfort so that he can other human being happy and bring a smile to their face, he is granted with such happiness that no other pleasure compares to it. No one knows how long they are going to live for, and when they might have to unexpectedly leave this world. That is why we should develop self-sacrifice because, as a result of it, Allah Ta’ala brings people together and showers His blessings upon them.

THE STORY OF ONE PERSON’S MAGHFIRAH (DELIVERANCE)
It is narrated in a Hadith that there was a person in the peoples who have passed. When he passed away and was presented in Allah Ta’ala’s court, Allah Ta’ala asked the angels who record every person’s actions in life, if there was a major virtue recorded in his balance sheet. The angels replied that there was no major virtue in his balance sheet. However, he had a habit that whenever he bought something, he did not get into a fight with the seller. Whatever price the seller quoted, he would ask him to consider reducing it somewhat and then buy that item.

And when he was selling something, he dealt with people gently. He did not insist that I will charge this much no matter what. Rather, if he saw that the buyer was poor, he would reduce the price. Similarly, if someone owed him money and he learnt that they were unable to repay the loan because of poverty, he would waive his loan. This is his only virtuous act which is in his balance sheet. Allah Ta’ala said that if he forgave his loans to my subjects, then I am more deserving of forgiving him, therefore, I forgive him.

GET RID OF SELFISHNESS
So Hazrat Haji Imdadullah Mahajir Makki (may Allah Ta’ala bless him) used to say that if we remove Takabbur (arrogance) from our minds, and develop altruism and self-sacrifice, all our conflicts will come to an end. Selfishness and self-centeredness are the exact opposite of self-sacrifice and self-lessness. Self-centeredness means that a person is always occupied with his own wants, “I should get more money, I should get a higher status, I should become more famous, people should respect me more”, and is consumed by such thoughts 24/7. Self-sacrifice is the opposite of this.

The opposite of Tawazu (humility) is Takabbur (arrogance). If people give up selfishness and Takabbur, and adopt Tawazu and selflessness, then InshaAllah (God willing) there will be unity and affection between people. Therefore, every Muslim should start practicing these.

LIKE FOR OTHERS WHAT YOU LIKE FOR YOURSELF
The second principle the Holy Prophet ﷺ has described in this Hadith is actually the basis of all morals. If we develop that attribute, it would lead to all conflicts between us coming to an end. He said;

“Like for your brother what you like for yourself, and dislike for your brother what you dislike for yourself.”

It means that whenever you are due to have an interaction with someone, put yourself in his shoes and think that if I was in his place and he was in my place, how would I have liked him to deal with me, and which way of dealing would I have disliked. Now, deal with the other person the way you would have liked him to deal with you, and do not deal with him the way you would not have liked him to deal with you. This is a very important yardstick through which we can judge all our transactions with other people.

END DOUBLE STANDARDS
It is a major curse of our society that we have created double standards. What we like for ourselves, we do not like to give to others. If all of us start following this Sunnah of the Holy Prophet ﷺ in that we start treating everyone else the same way we would like them to treat us, then there will be no conflict left in this world, because in that case everyone would doing anything that might harm other people.

These are the main principles for promoting unity and harmony in our society. May Allah Ta’ala grant us their understanding and also help us act on them. Ameen

وآخر دعوا ان الحمد ﷲ رب العالمين